STEVIE

Hey, I’m Stevie! I might have been born without eyes, but I can still see lots of ways we can make South Jersey the best place on earth. And I’m definitely the cat for the job.

If I win the election, I promise to do away with all taxes. All of them! Afternoon naps will be a national holiday, every day. Dog parks will be cherished national monuments. New ‘turtle crossing’ signs will be added to Shirley Temple’s neighborhood and beyond. All the 3-letter agencies will be canceled and replaced with just one - PET. To address the human mental health crisis, emotional support pet training programs will be funded so we can help our furless friends feel better.

When I’m not campaigning, you can find me digging holes and rolling in the dirt, practicing making raccoon sounds, teaching amateur boxing classes and being a shaman.

If I win, all of the other adorable candidates will be offered a position in my administration where they can thrive, be happy and put their best skills to use. My VP will be my little sister Sage, and my secretary of state will be my little brother Wizard. My advising oracle will be Princess Mitty. My stepdad will help with social media stuffs. And my mom will keep being my servant.

I’m Stevie and I approve this campaign message!